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| Free Bear-Hugs at Asbury Park Gay Pride |
1. I want to write.
2. I want to travel.
3. I want to make people feel good.
If I can combine all of those things into one, I will feel some sort of accomplishment.
(I also know for sure that I want to feel safe and secure, but that is a topic for another day.)
Seeing those three things listed in
front of me makes it all look so simple. Unfortunately, for a
part-time retail worker who doesn't have a clear idea on what's
happening in her life from one day to the next, it's not that easy.
This time 60 days from now, I don't even know if I will still have a
job. I don't even know where I will be living. As of right now, I am
making $8.35/hr and working only 10hrs a week some weeks. I'm lucky
if most of my paychecks reach $150/week. I spend a lot of time
looking for money on the ground, stealing loose change out of the
dryer, and asking people if I can keep their pennies in order to have
a good laptop to type on and some cash to buy plane tickets with. And in 60 days, I will be evicted from the apartment I live in and won't even know where my cash income will be coming from for awhile. Fortunately, the making people feel good part can be absolutely free.
I have a quote on my wall, my favorite
quote actually, spoken by Ella Simms from Melrose Place 2.0. (Shut
up. So what if it's a lame soap opera. Ella is awesome!) It says, “Do
anything you can, because I promise you, once you do, you won't care
how you got there. You're just gonna be really happy that you did.”
I've been keeping that in mind lately while trying to afford writing,
traveling, and letting people know they're not alone in the world.
And so, being broke and often toying with the idea of being a
homeless traveler, I recently started 'Free Bear-Hugs'.
It's a fairly simple way to raise money to travel, have something to blog about, and make people feel good.
I have a stuffed bear that you can hug.
For free. It sounds kind of dumb until you do it. I've learned that
once you ask someone to briefly step out of their comfort zone to be
comforted, you open a door of possibilities. Some people leave with a
huge smile. Others take a moment to sit down and talk for awhile, the
conversation ending in tears. Today, a man sat with me for about
thirty minutes, telling me about how he felt as though he was going
nowhere in his life because he was grieving over the loss of his
sister.
I want to be a listening ear, because I
often feel as though I don't have one. I write to make people feel
less alone. I travel to meet people to make them feel less alone. I
just want people to not feel as alone as I so often do. I don't ask
for anything in return. Honestly, provided I had the means to get
myself to where I want to be as a writer and traveler, I wouldn't
want anything in return from anyone. But I've realized I can't get to
where I want to go alone, so I have been keeping a 'Help Me Travel?'
jar next to me in case anyone wants to lend a hand. In two days, I've
earned roughly $60. I've also received more hugs, kisses, and 'thank
you for making me smile's than I can count.
One day, I will be able to make it on
my own – doing all that I want to do and more. But right now, I
thank everyone who has taken a few dollars to help me out. And I hope
that I can use what I've been given for good as I travel to Austin
then to Anaheim. Maybe on the train back home, I'll finish the rough
draft of my novel and give someone hope with my writing as I've been
given hope by the writings of so many others.
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